She’s walked almost every designer runway, but Bella Hadid still has her insecurities, and according to a recent interview, many of them are linked to a nose job she regrets, being misunderstood and compared to others and the pressure of being perfect.
“The majority of the time when I meet people, they say, I just didn’t think you were going to be nice, that you were going to be this mean, scary dragon lady, or some kind of a sexbot,” the supermodel tells Vogue. “That’s just not me, and if people have a better understanding of who I am, then I feel less alone within myself.”
But, Hadid admits to being misunderstood for a long period of her life, especially as she struggled through depression, anxiety and lyme disease. “For three years while I was working, I would wake up every morning hysterical, in tears, alone. I wouldn’t show anybody that. I would go to work, cry at lunch in my little greenroom, finish my day, go to whatever random little hotel I was in for the night, cry again, wake up in the morning, and do the same thing.”
These emotions stemmed from a whole slew of factors, and one of them was being compared to her older sister, Gigi Hadid. “I was the uglier sister. I was the brunette. I wasn’t as cool as Gigi, not as outgoing,” she tells Vogue. “That’s really what people said about me. And unfortunately when you get told things so many times, you do just believe it. I always ask myself, how did a girl with incredible insecurities, anxiety, depression, body-image issues, eating issues, who hates to be touched, who has intense social anxiety—what was I doing getting into this business?”
The supermodel admits to regretting a nose job she had when she was 14, which was also contributing to her insecurities at the time. “I wish I had kept the nose of my ancestors,” she says. “I think I would have grown into it.” But, to many peoples’ surprise, this is the only cosmetic procedure Hadid has undergone. “People think I fully f**ked with my face because of one picture of me as a teenager looking puffy. I’m pretty sure you don’t look the same now as you did at 13, right? I have never used filler. Let’s just put an end to that. I have no issue with it, but it’s not for me. Whoever thinks I’ve gotten my eyes lifted or whatever it’s called—it’s face tape! The oldest trick in the book.”
Hadid still struggles with depression and anxiety, but she does the work to feel better. “Everything that I do in my personal life is literally to make sure that my mental state stays above water,” she says. “Fashion can make you or break you.”
Hadid took a month off of work after a mental and physical burnout, she is invested in wellness brand Kin, which is giving her a creative outlet outside of just modeling, she is seeing a psychiatrist, has established a productive morning routine, is spending more time at her farm in Pennsylvania, and welcomes a good cry every now and then.